


blue satin

by fatherwon



Category: Monsta X (Band), Shine Forever - Monsta X (Music Video)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Shine Forever (Music Video), Blind Character, Blindfolds, Car Accidents, Crying, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, kiho monthly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:50:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherwon/pseuds/fatherwon
Summary: hoseok still can't help but blame himself for it all.(for round 2 of kihomonthly, filling the 'hurt/comfort' theme)





	blue satin

**Author's Note:**

> i always wanted to write a shine forever inspired fic thing w a bit of hurt/comfort & it fit the kiho monthly category so i thought why not ?? mygod do we need more kiho shineforever fics ,,,,
> 
> ps: i cant write short fics to save my neck 
> 
> pps: i love this mv & this concept & black haired kihyun ♥

The sky is an inky black outside, hung with a silver, crescent moon and speckled with stars when Kihyun wakes up.

Everything still feels hazy and adrift. Kihyun wonders if he's underwater. As the sleep unclouds his senses, the press of soft, cotton sheets on his skin and muffled noises slowly swirl into focus, and it comes in bits and pieces, like rays of light filtering through thick clouds. _It_ being the soft sounds of sniffling and sobbing spilling from Hoseok's lips - hisHoseok, _Kihyun's_ Hoseok, Hoseok who always beams so bright, like the summer sun or a delicate flower in full bloom.

Kihyun shifts a little over the crumpled sheets, moving closer to Hoseok across the few inches of mattress between them. He reaches out with his hand, palm unfurled to pat around for his lover, swallowing when his fingers curl around the soft material of Hoseok's sweatshirt. With a deep breath, Kihyun sits up, back on his ankles, his fingers still twisted into Hoseok's shirt. Even though he can't see, Kihyun has learned to become more receptive to certain things, like being able to navigate by paying attention to small, miniscule details. Just like that, Kihyun can tell Hoseok is sitting folded up at the end of the bunk, propped up against the trailer wall.

With slow hands, Kihyun gingerly reaches out for his lover, shifting a little in place and chewing at his lip until Hoseok finally takes Kihyun's small, dainty hands within his own. It's a simple touch compared to all they usually do, but it still fills Kihyun with warm, saccharine delight until his heart is spilling with adoration.

Kihyun still holds onto one of Hoseok's hands, using the other one to slowly reach for his face. It's heartwarming just how easily Kihyun is able to map Hoseok out, every line, curve and ridge of his body, as if he's spent hours doing so, feeling every part of Hoseok until it's all imprinted onto the backs of his eyelids. He still fumbles a little, caresses Hoseok's cheek with gentle, unsure fingertips before cradling Hoseok's face within his palm.

Hoseok's cheek is wet under Kihyun's skin, damp and cold, and if Kihyun pays attention, he can feel faint trails of dry tears streaking his lover's face. Gently, as if he's handling a piece of delicate lacework or treading over fine ice, Kihyun strokes the thin skin under Hoseok's eyes with his thumb.

“Hoseok,” Kihyun whispers quietly, careful not to wake any of the other occupants in the trailer. He can tell it's late by the sweet smell of wet grass crawling in through the windows. It smells like midnight, or just a little past, and Kihyun can tell the sun isn't showing any signs of creeping up over the horizon and the moon looks like it has just come out in full colour.

Hoseok only whimpers in response and Kihyun moves his other hand, the one clasped loosely within Hoseok's, to cup his lover's face properly, gently stroking the soft, supple skin of Hoseok's cheeks with his thumbs.

“Kihyunnie, why are you up?” Hoseok finally manages to say, his voice gravely and thick with tears. It breaks a piece of Kihyun's heart and all he wants to do is kiss every one of Hoseok's worries away. So he does, aiming a little poorly and pressing a clumsy kiss to Hoseok's chin instead of his lips.

He tries again. He brushes his lips along Hoseok's skin, trailing up to his mouth until their lips are touching, and Hoseok is quick to peck Kihyun's slightly open mouth. “I heard you crying,” Kihyun explains quietly, speaking over Hoseok's lips so softly it feels like petals over Hoseok's skin. “What's wrong, baby?”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you.” Hoseok hiccups, his words collapsing in on one another. He looks so fragile and delicate, curled up in the corner of the bunk, shaking and sobbing and breaking in Kihyun's hands.

“Don't be. It's fine, especially if it concerns you.” Kihyun amorously pets Hoseok's cheek with his knuckles, soothing, comforting and repetitive. “Talk to me, Hoseokkie.”

There's a lull in the conversation, and for a brief, quiet moment, it's just them breathing. Hoseok's deep, erratic breaths mixing in with Kihyun's soft ones. And then Hoseok's hand is cradling Kihyun's face, too. It's warm and soft and so familiar, Kihyun feels like he could melt under his touch.

Slowly, he feels precarious fingertips brushing over his cheek, trailing delicately over the length of satin wrapped around his head. It's a lovely, royal blue, one that matches the colour of Hoseok's hair, a gift from Hoseok himself. After the accident, Hyungwon had wrapped brown silk around Kihyun's eyes and Kihyun didn't have the heart to ever take it off. But a few nights later, with Kihyun sitting curled up in his lap out over a grassy field, Hoseok had replaced the blindfold with a new one. Soft, blue satin instead of brown silk.

( _“It's blue,” Hoseok had said when Kihyun squirmed in his lap, shifting over his thighs like a sweet, little kitten._

_The younger boy hummed in acknowledgment, fingers curled into Hoseok's shirt (it's a habit he'd picked shortly after the accident, and Hoseok always felt his heart soar whenever Kihyun held onto him, because it meant Kihyun depended on him and trusted him). Kihyun let his lover unwind the piece of silk from around his head and he kept his eyes closed. From up close, Hoseok could see the tiny shadows cast onto Kihyun's cheeks, right under where his eyelashes fanned out over them. And he's quick to kiss Kihyun's closed eyes and then his soft, pink cheeks, smiling when Kihyun grips his shirt tighter and scrunches up his nose in response._

_"Blue,” Kihyun repeated meditatively, his head tilted slightly to the side as Hoseok wrapped the new blindfold around his eyes. “Like your hair,” he mused happily after a short pause, his lips curled into a soft smile, and Hoseok swore he felt his belly fill with butterflies._

_“Like you,” Kihyun said after another pause. His fingers blindly trailed up Hoseok's chest to his neck, jaw and finally his lips. Hoseok kissed Kihyun's fingertips as soon as they pressed down on his mouth in a sweet, heartwarming gesture.)_

Hoseok's fingers linger over Kihyun's eyes, shrouded and covered with soft, slippery fabric, and with a pounding, trembling heart, Kihyun realises what it means.

“I'm sorry, Kiki,” Hoseok sobs, his fingers still running over the satin. He wishes he could tug it off just so he can look at Kihyun -  _really_ look at him, because even though Kihyun insists his eyes look hazy and devoid of colour, Hoseok still thinks they're gorgeous. He can still drown in Kihyun's eyes and he can still see stars and galaxies in them, even if Kihyun can't see him. “I'm so sorry.”

And Hoseok is crying again, fat tears tumbling down his cheeks and splattering onto Kihyun's hands. He feels like his lungs have been filled with water, and that even if he breathes, all he can do is spill tears, and it _hurts._

Then, in a heartbeat, Kihyun is slowly crawling up into Hoseok's lap, holding onto Hoseok's shoulders for support as he does so. Hoseok's hands instinctively come to rest over Kihyun's hips, guiding him to straddle his thighs. Like this, with Kihyun _so close_ to him, Hoseok realises Kihyun's only wearing a shirt (it's Hoseok's shirt, the big, cotton one that Kihyun insists he loves so much) over a pair of tiny briefs, and Hoseok's heart swells with sugary warmth.

Once Kihyun has settled into place, an arm draped around Hoseok's shoulders and his other hand gripping Hoseok's bicep, Hoseok lets his own arms wind around his lover's hips, easily and smoothly as if they're meant to be curled around Kihyun.

With a heavy heart, he's reminded of how often Kihyun used to clamber up onto his thighs, and he's reminded of how Kihyun had picked up the habit. Hoseok thinks of Kihyun - before the accident, before his sight had been stripped away - straddling his thighs, cradling his face in his hands and staring deep into his eyes. Hoseok remembers feeling like he could get lost in Kihyun's eyes - that if he didn't catch himself, he would drown in Kihyun. And Hoseok remembers Kihyun staring at his mouth and he remembers how lovely and soft and pliant Kihyun's lips felt pressed against his own.

It hurts Hoseok's heart to see Kihyun like this, because Kihyun deserves better. He deserves to look up at the sky and see more than just undulating darkness. Kihyun deserves to see the light and glimmer in Hoseok's eyes when he tells Kihyun how perfect he is, and he deserves to see how gone Hoseok is for him every time Kihyun clambers onto Hoseok, a little tentative, and pecks his lips.

And Hoseok blames himself for it all, no matter how many times Kihyun has told him not to, because Minhyuk was there that night instead of him. He still won't look Minhyuk in the eye or even speak to him, and Hoseok figures it's the most he can do to keep himself from barrelling his first into Minhyuk's pretty face.

(Especially after Kihyun had fallen to pieces a few nights subsequent to the accident, when Hyunwoo busted Minhyuk's lip open with his knuckles. Hoseok promptly made to curl Kihyun up in his arms as soon as tears began to soak the fabric of his blindfold. But Kihyun simply pushed him away, sobbing, yelling as he scrambled closer to Minhyuk over the soft grass. He didn't speak to anyone else for the rest of the day, stayed with Minhyuk instead, telling him it's okay, rubbing circles onto his back and blindly wiping tears away from his eyes.)

But Kihyun's still here - he's still Kihyun _._  Bright, strong and lovely and quirky. He still glows with so much lustre even with that forsaken piece of satin wrapped around his head. Hoseok sometimes wonders whether it bears down on Kihyun, like a heavy weight trying to press him into the ground. But with time, Hoseok has come to realise he's probably more shaken up from all this than Kihyun is.

“Baby,” Kihyun coos and something inside Hoseok melts. Kihyun is always so careful and amorous with his words and actions when he's with Hoseok's. And it's even more endearing because it's a repressed side of Kihyun that only Hoseok's knows of, like a wonderful, sweet secret between both of them. He rubs gentle, miscellaneous shapes onto Hoseok's shoulder with his hand, preening when he feels Hoseok relaxing under the touch. “It wasn't your fault.”

Hoseok gazes up at Kihyun with wet, glassy eyes, and he thinks Kihyun looks so beautiful. Messy hair, tousled from sleep, his skin glowing with a pristine allure in the moonlight and his lips soft and pink, like a press of plush pillows. The length of satin stands out so nicely against Kihyun's moon-kissed skin, like a dainty periwinkle amongst a field of daisies.

"I wasn't there for you, Kiki. I wasn't there, I-” Hoseok stops to sniffle and he presses his open mouth against the curve of Kihyun's jaw, trembling and breathing there and feeling blissful when Kihyun's fingers tangle themselves in his hair. “Minhyuk, he-”

“It wasn't his fault either,” Kihyun interrupts quickly, pressing the pads of his fingers into Hoseok's scalp. He stays there, massaging Hoseok's head with tender, soft presses of his fingers until Hoseok stops sobbing. Then Kihyun slips his hand under Hoseok's shirt collar, letting his palm rest over the warm skin of Hoseok's shoulder. Kihyun's hand feels like the warmth and weight of everything wonderful in the world, even more so when it slides down to rest over Hoseok's chest, right over the faint thumping of his heart. “Things happen, and sometimes it's stuff we don't ever want. You just have to learn to live with it.”

Hoseok tightens his grip around Kihyun's hips, bringing him closer if possible until Kihyun presses his cheek against the top of Hoseok's head. The added pressure is like a sweet, delightful reminder that Kihyun is here with him, and that he wouldn't be anywhere else.

Kissing Kihyun's jaw, lazily mouthing over the sharp lines and contours of his face, Hoseok whispers, “I can't live with this when you're hurting.”

“I'm not hurting,” Kihyun protests, his voice warm and liquid, like thick, rich honey. Hoseok wants Kihyun's voice to soak into him, into his skin and bones so he can feel its comfort for as long as he wants.

"I’m here and have you. I still have you,” Kihyun says with a small, quiet chuckle, as if it's something so incredulous and unbelievable. He sounds so breathy and amazed that it hurts Hoseok, because Hoseok wouldn't ever want to be anywhere else but with Kihyun. “I couldn't be any luckier.”

Hoseok lifts his head away from where it's pressed into Kihyun's neck, and Kihyun instinctively draws away a little, the heel of his palm pressing into Hoseok's ribs. Trailing a hand down to Kihyun's thigh, Hoseok gently caresses the soft, smooth skin with his fingertips, and Kihyun keens at the gesture.

Hoseok says, “you’ll always have me, Ki." His heart soars when Kihyun's lips curl into a smile. He wants to kiss the corners of Kihyun's mouth, he wants to feel Kihyun smiling against his lips. So he does, surging forward to kiss Kihyun's mouth, the corners and along the seams of his lips, each press like fluttering butterflies over Kihyun's skin.

And without any hesitation, without as much as a second’s worth of thought, Hoseok whispers, “I love you.”

The confession is like a soft breeze blowing over Kihyun's mouth, making the blood in his veins buzz with so much warmth and delight, all the way from his toes to the tips of his fingers. It's the first time Hoseok has ever said that to him - the first time he's admitted it out loud instead of communicating it through arduous touches and gestures - and it has Kihyun feeling completely breathless in the most blissful way.

He stays quiet for a while, smiling and gleaming with mirth as Hoseok continues to peck his lips with feathery, light presses of his mouth. But then he's cupping Hoseok's face, keeping him there against his mouth so he can kiss Hoseok properly, pouring all his love into the gesture.

The kiss is slow and tender and sweet -  _terribly so - and_  Hoseok feels like he might turn to liquid right here in Kihyun's hands. It's the most glorious feeling, like watching a meteor streak across the sky or seeing leaves tremble against each other slightly in the wind.

Kihyun's lips feel like heaven against his own, like all his feelings seeping into Hoseok with just one gesture. And just when Hoseok thinks his heart is about to spill and leak out onto his bones, he hears -  _feels -_  Kihyun mumble, “I love you, too,” into his mouth, and that's all it takes for every last one of Hoseok's worries and troubles to be washed away.

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't know what material kihyuns blindfold was in the mv & i also don't know where this is going oops—
> 
> but i gave this this a try yay ! kudos & comments are appreciated very much ily guys ♥
> 
> come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/fuzzykiho)  
> and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/fuzzykiho) !!!!!!


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